Do you ever fail to do something that you know every decent human being would do? And you hate yourself for it? You didn’t speak up for the kid being picked on that one time, or you didn’t defend someone who couldn’t defend themselves. You just wanna do for someone what you know you would want them to do for you. That happened today, and I have a whole bunch of awful feelings towards myself. What’s worse is I know beating myself up about it won’t help, but I feel the need to. I feel like if I do it enough, it will help. I’ll never lack the courage to speak up again. But it doesn’t work that way. The best I can do is speak up next time. I just gotta remember that. I still have awful feelings. I still wanna go and wrap the person in a huge hug and tell them how much I love them. Regret guys. It’ll get ya every time.
If any of you people have ever experienced what I’m talking about, it’s okay. You’re not the scum of the earth. You’re a lovely person who made a mistake, just like every single person on the planet. So yeah. I dunno. I just wanna love more. And more intensely. It’s hard though, ’cause of humanness. Buuuut lets do it. K? K. So I’m gonna pray about it and if, soon, I’m able to give away my last bite of cheesecake and it doesn’t phase me, then I know that bit by bit I’m succeeding. So peace out guys. Peace. Out.