Mismatched Socks

I’ve found that I don’t like myself most of the time. I want to like myself. I’m trying. And I’m not saying this so people can be like “Oh, you’re super awesome, like yourself goshdarnit,” I’m saying it because it’s true, and I’m selfish and needy and I procrastinate to the point where my future is shaking it’s head at me and praying that I won’t screw it up. So when I don’t like myself I tend to either wallow in self pity, or I run to something that I know I can do. And right now I know that I can blog. So I will.

I haven’t been blogging much at all, I’ve been super busy with college and slightly unmotivated. I’m supposed to be writing a paper right now. But I’m blogging instead. I think that this should count. Are you ever in that mood where you know you want food, but you have no clue what kind or what shape or flavor or species. But you want food. And it’s definitely nothing that you have in your fridge. I feel like that. Pretty much daily.

Another thing that I don’t like about myself is that I find myself constantly judging people instead of loving them. I don’t want to be like that. People deal with enough negativity during their lifetimes, they shouldn’t have to deal with it from the people around them who are supposed to be there for them. So I’m really sorry to everyone out there whom I’ve judged (whom?) and I really do love you guys. I’m going to make it my goal when faced with someone I find hard to love to find one thing that I like about them, and build from that. Because I really want to be a loving person.

I’m also awkward. I apologize to society for that. I think that sometimes I come off as rude when I’m just sometimes socially awkward and I don’t know how to handle things or what to say. I’m working on it.

And guys. Holy college batman, I really need to do homework. I applied for so many scholarships. So. Many. Billions guys. Billions. Homework. Darn. I don’t know why It’s such a big struggle for me, but it is. After this I’ll do it. Pinky promise. And I pinky promise that I’ll work on my faults. And pray about them. And learn to like myself.

I’m sick. The cold medicine I have tastes like a grape crapped in a bottle. It’s pretty bad. Oh, and college started. I live in a house. It’s pretty great. Doesn’t it seem like summer went by super quickly?

Think of the highlight of your summer, quick. When I try and think of the highlight of my summer nothing specific comes up. Just a general feeling of freedom. And warmth. We got Dominos to deliver to the beach one time. They pulled through after Jets, Pizza Hut, and Papa Johns failed. They will always have a special place in my heart. There was that time on the fourth where I got so sunburnt so bad literally everywhere on my body and when i went to put cocoa butter on it, it melted right when it touched my skin. So that was cool. Oh, and kayaking. And watermelon. And cool summer nights where you could walk around your neighborhood without a dog trying to eat you.

I hope you all had a great summer and are having a great life. I tend to stress about things that shouldn’t be that stressful. Silly me. I’m in a poetry group and I’m supposed to write some poetry that describes me somewhat. I have no clue how to put myself into a poem. But I’ll try.


Anxious

I tap my foot

Chew on a pencil

A cup

My thumb

Hungry

I eat more than I need

Eyes as big as the moon,

Stomach the size of an oyster

Procrastinate

I put things off

Homework

Conversations

Life

My Thoughts

Irrational

Scattered

My Socks

Mismatched


That’s the best I got. I might read tonight. But whaaaaaaaaaaat.

Sometimes I lose my perspective on life. Any perspective, happy or sad. But when I think about how blessed I am and how many people love me and everything that I’ve got going for me, I tend to find it again. And with it peace. So yeah. This was good. Thanks guys.

Sorry, I feel like I might have been preachy or choppy or whatever but I’m still working on this whole blogging thing so yeah. Homework. Imma homework now.

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