Mark #2

I was writing a post before this, but I really wasn’t feeling it. So let’s try this one and see how it goes. Hence the mark 2. I’m super distracted right now but I really want to write so I’m trying super hard.

So hey guys I haven’t blogged in awhile and to be honest my self esteems pretty down in the dumps at the moment. So I’m super unsure of everything I write and I keep thinking “Will people actually like this or read it or am I being boring” but you know what it doesn’t matter. I mean it matters I want to write stuff that people like to read. But if I’m always second guessing my writing then it will definitely suck so I just have to write about what I want the way I want and I think it’ll go okay. So yeah.

And what I want to write about is a question that is arguably controversial and theological.

Would Jesus chill on the beach and drink a beer with someone?

I mean not to the point of drunkenness, just sip a beer, with the sun in his hair, talking to someone who needed him.

And my answer is yes. Yes I think he would.

Back to the whole low self esteem thing. I’m feeling that way because the way I view myself right now isn’t the best. I mean I’m just struggling with some stuff I did and how I hurt some people and how I haven’t been myself lately and I don’t like that. I haven’t been who I want to be lately and who I know I should be and who people expect me to be.

And then I have these emotional problems that manifest themselves randomly at the worst times.

And then I’m really good at letting people define me. Who I am with someone or what they think of me or I try and be how they want me to be. Because I want to be accepted, which I think is something that most people crave, right?

But guys no you can’t let people define you. You define you. You validate you. Don’t give that power to other people.

I’m really working on that. Also co-dependency. One person becomes your life and then when they’re gone it feels like you temporarily can’t breathe or stand or live on your own. You have to learn how to adjust. And it’s so painful and can take a long time.

I’ve just got a smorgasbord of relationship problems. And up until now I didn’t know that there was actually a correct spelling for smorgasbord.

Anyways the point is it’s all getting better and I’m working through it. No, actually the point is you’re all wonderful and beautiful people and too unique to let other peoples emotions or actions or opinions control you. Capiche?

I’m done talking about myself now I promise.

Well kinda.

I think I might end this post here with a promise to post more often.

I just suddenly lost the whole writing mood thing. So I might go write poetry or watch donnie darko or something. Or both at the same time. Woah.



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