I’m not tired and I work in four hours. I should be tired. By all accounts. But instead I’m browsing through social media doing some hardcore envying.
Some people stand atop a hill, a gorgeous view of fields and lakes behind them. Next they stand on either side of a Buckingham palace guard. Now they’re in Spain, eating tapas and smiling. They’re smiling in every picture. And not just an “Oh its a picture we should smile” smile. It’s an honest to God “we love our lives and darn it if we aren’t happy” smile.
Sometimes I envy so hard it hurts.
I crashed my first ever car. The second one has a blown head gasket. The third car I was driving turned off at a red light and never turned back on. I have no money to buy another one because I make just enough to pay my bills. I get up at 3:30 AM everyday to pay said bills. I’m always exhausted, even if I have no reason to be. I’m insecure. I’m stressed out. The world is tearing itself to pieces.
I want so badly to stand on that hill and smile that God honest smile.
Life’s not that gloomy, is it?
I have an amazing boyfriend, supportive family, caring friends. But you can have all of that and still feel like you’re floating in the Pacific, with no clue which way land is.
And I know my life goals shouldn’t be all selfish. I should strive to make the world a better place. Do you know how intimidating that is though when you can unlock your phone and see every single horrible thing that’s happening in the world today all at once? Where do we start?
Uncertainty is paralyzing. There are so many areas of life where I feel paralyzed.
This isn’t a very long post. And I usually want to end my blogs on a positive note. But tonight I’m going to leave it open-ended. Just one big question mark of a blog.
Not even sure what the question is.