New Year And In All Probablity Exactly The Same Me

Hey. Hi. Hello.

Hey.

I have an alarm set for 3 (who am I kidding I have ten alarms set, each two minutes apart) but for some reason I’m wide awake. 

Maybe it’s because we’re on the cusp of a new year. Maybe it’s because I slept in this morning. Maybe it’s because when I was counting sheep to go to sleep the sheep started belting out Shakira. We might never know for sure. 

What I do know though is that this year was about as long and disconcerting as a Black Mirror episode (note my recent pop culture reference and conclude that I’m hip with the times please.)

I feel like every time I’ve picked up my phone this year I’ve learned some new sad or infuriating or disheartening bit of news. 

Every. 

Time. 

And yet I keep picking up my phone, because somehow not knowing the sad or infuriating or disheartening news is worse than knowing it. 

It’s kind of like if I had a plate full of sushi and in the next ten minutes dolphins were going to jump in a very wide arc from the Atlantic ocean to the Pacific ocean and snatch it up and there was nothing I could do about it, I would still want to be informed. 

Let’s see, what are some good things that happened this year….

1. I got my first car crash out of the way

2. I subsequentally broke two more cars after that, ridding the world of more space-hogging automobiles

3. I spent a lot of time constructively thinking and by constructively thinking I mean I was awake when I should have been sleeping because dear god woman you work at four in the morning what are you doing with your life

4. I learned to stay away from the “wearing pajamas in public is not socially acceptable how old are you wow 22 really I never would have guessed because you’re wearing snoopy pants and your face has that ‘omg I’m taking the SAT’s next week and I’m super nervous’ look” crowd

5. My sentences have gotten more rambly which isn’t necessarily a good thing but

6. Me and my boyfriend celebrated our two year anniversary and he has a really nice face and hair and brain so there’s that

wHEW. I don’t know about you but I just feel elated from all that goodness. 

Obviously that wasn’t an exhaustive list and I’m sure actual good things did happen this year. I really hope great things happened for you. For a lot of people though I know this was a rough year. And my heart is heavy because of it. Has been for awhile. 

I browse social media every day but I rarely post because I don’t know where my voice fits, and if I don’t have something that is worth saying I don’t want to add to the endless stream of noise. People who have a new hot take every day because all they care about is staying relevant. Silence feels safe. And I’m okay with silence. It’s not always my turn or your turn to speak. 

In a couple minutes I have to go out into the cold and brush off the car so that I can go to work and I’ve never wanted to do anything less. 

I hope going into 2018 doesn’t feel like that for you. I hope it’s much better than scraping ice off a windshield. And if it’s not, I hope you have some quality waterproof gloves.

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