Quandaries

I realize that I haven’t blogged in a very very very very very very very long time. 

Very.

I usually have to be emotional to write poetry. I have to be hungry to eat (or bored or sad or breathing or just alive). I have to be tired to sleep. And I have to be in the exact right mood to write. Or at least lately. I can lose motivation in an instant. I just don’t know what to write about. There’s too much going on in the world and inside my head and how can I possibly try to describe it all intelligently and coherently. “In our deepest moments we say the most inadequate things,” (Edna O’brien). I couldn’t have put it better myself, which is I stole it from a superior writer.

In a world where assumptions are taken as fact and facts are irrelevant, where is the truth? And do people even care? As long as they find something that fits their bias, they ignore all facts outside of that. I know this might sound generalized. And I’m not a fan of generalization. But it’s just what I’ve been observing lately on Facebook and other such social media sights.

My thoughts feel tangled up all the time. I question a lot. Some people tend to think that’s a bad thing, because the truth seems so obvious to them and to question it would be stupid. Doubt creeps in. You can’t always control it. When you start to think about every angle of everything and put yourself in everyone’s shoes you come away with thirty different perspectives and you might not feel comfortable with the view that comes from several of them. But they are there nonetheless, just floating around. They start to shape you. You start to realize that validity is not exclusive to a single view.

I’m not sure if these are relatable thoughts or not, and I realize that I’m kind of all over the place. I’m just trying to get all mine down on paper so that they might be easier to sift through.

(Pauses to sip coffee)

Mmm. That’s a good cup of Joe.

I want to be compassionate even to the people I vehemently disagree with. I don’t just want to lump them into a generalization. They are not just that one point of view. They have different parts to them and those parts might be beautiful and funny and endearing.
I’ve said before that life has an infinite learning curve. And it does. But you can’t be afraid to learn and to change. To grow. Change is not bad. Growth is not bad.

Change is not bad.

I hate change. I do. It’s extremely uncomfortable to me. But that’s where the growth is.

You’re probably thinking, but Sarah you’ve been saying this kind of thing since you started blogging, have you taken any of your own advice yet? Life tends to repeat itself. But I’ve been trying, because I could talk about this all day long but if I don’t apply it to my own life then what’s the use.

I dunno. This whole life thing….. I’m still trying to figure it out.

“I think of my life as a kind of music, not always good music, but still having form and melody.”

Steinbeck did have his moments.

What if we thought of life like that. As music always forming, the melody and tempo always evolving, with crescendos and decrescendos. What would our lives look like then?

I’d like to think mine sounds like Mozart but in reality it probably resembles an 1980’s hair band, most likely Def Leppard.

We can always aspire to be Symphony No. 40 right?

Of course right.

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