Lately in certain situations I’ve been feeling an emotion that I couldn’t quite place. I thought it was either confusion or sadness but I’m just now realizing what it is.

It’s anger. Deep-seeded underlying anger.

I’m angry at Christians. I’m angry at the church. I’m angry that believing in God has actually turned into just believing in heaven and hell.

I’m angry that people who claim to follow Jesus care so little about people, people who God commanded, COMMANDED, us to love. I’m angry that Christians care about babies while they’re still babies and then treat them like a problem once the cuteness wears off. I’m angry about the whole “souls for the kingdom” mentality. I’m angry that we make Christianity so American-centric. Like only the people in this country matter to God.

I’m angry at people who claim to love Jesus and yet support someone who goes against everything Jesus stood for. I’m angry that we demonize people because we don’t like how they live. We don’t see them as worthy of love. I’m angry that people who claim to follow God sit on their millions and then claim that God gave them prosperity and a nice house and a nice car and a $200 dollar haircut.

I’m angry that people say humans are bad at their core, when the Bible says that EVERYONE is made in the image of God. I’m angry at the idea that everyone deserves damnation. I’m angry that people use “Thus sayeth the Lord,” so often.

I’m angry at my own ignorance on so many topics and that I just go with what I “feel” is right. I’m angry at people who treat christianity like a formula, telling people to remember to dot all their I’s and cross all their T’s or you won’t be good enough for God. I’m angry that whenever Christians find things that are new or that scare them, they say that it’s “of the devil.”

I’m angry that Christians demonize science and treat it like an evil thing when it’s brought so much good and literal healing to the world. I’m angry at televangelists who tell people they don’t need medicine, “you just need more faith.” I’m angry at Christians who say “Your depression isn’t real, you just need more God.”

I’m so, so angry and I don’t want to be. It’s strangling me inside. I see everything through this lens and it’s exhausting.

I feel things besides anger. I feel a great deal of empathy for hurt and broken people. And I think that’s partially where the anger comes from. I’m angry at the people who don’t feel empathy, or don’t even try. They don’t want to try and understand where people are coming from, because they’re right and the other side is wrong and that’s it. That’s what happens when you see everyone as a threat to your faith.

I’m sick of being in denial about how I feel. If I just identify and accept that I feel this way, then maybe I can start to work through it.

After the anger comes sadness. Because I can’t make people care about other people. I can’t stop injustice from happening. I can’t make people who preach hate stop preaching.

But I can care about other people. I can control what injustices I commit. And I can preach love.

I’m angry. And that’s okay as long as I don’t want to stay angry.

And I don’t.