I’ve decided to try a prompt today because that seems easier than coming up with something to write on my own. And the prompt word is ‘inkling.’ Well, I don’t have an inkling why my left eye is twitching right now. It’s been doing it for about a week.
This morning I was feeling pretty good. I had coffee and cookies for breakfast (I’m a strong believer in nutritious and balanced meals) and then I watched some youtube videos, and it made me want to create something. Usually I’m trying to force myself to create so when I find myself feeling that way naturally I get pretty happy.
But as soon as that feeling started, so did negative thoughts. Thoughts about why I shouldn’t feel that way. Thoughts pointing out that there were more reasons to feel bad than there were to feel creative or positive.
You still don’t have a car, you have to call the orthodontist, you have to work third shift tonight, you’re selfcentered, you need to make sure everyone around you is happy before you feel it yourself, you need to do more
More. That’s the operating word here. I always feel like I need to accomplish more, care more, help more, love more. And dear god I’m just now realizing how exhausting it is to think this way. You can probably relate. You set the bar too high and when you don’t reach it because you’re human, you think you’re not enough and it sets off this inner dialogue of negativity. We’re setting ourselves up for failure.
Setting the bar any lower doesn’t feel like enough though. Realistic expectations feel like selfish expectations.
My eye is twitching again.
This ‘more’ thought process is paralyzing. You’re in this constant state of trying and not doing.
I never make new years resolutions because for me it’s not the most effective way to accomplish my goals. But just as a general thing this year I want to just do what I can do. Take life one step at a time.
In the words of master Yoda, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”
Do what you can. Be kind to yourself. Take several deep breaths.
I didn’t have an inkling of what this post would be about before I started writing, but that good creative feeling is back.
You guys are great, all of you.